Sunday, August 06, 2006

My old friend the Blues.

So, I was sitting at a Jools Holland gig last night, we were at Audley End house in Saffron Walden enjoying the fine company of many people eating posh picnics and lapping up a summers evening of Blues. The Blues has to be the best kind of music, I'm sure if my soul has a rhythm it's 12/8. You don't get much more melancholic than the Blues, or any more uplifting when it swings into a boogie; 'life is rubbish so lets dance the night away' kind of mood.

The best song of the night for such a sentiment was the delightful "Enjoy yourself" by the Specials.

"Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think"

There was plenty of melancholy as well, not this song exactly, but it does sum up everything that is great about the Blues.

"Just when every ray of hope was gone
I should have known that you would come along
I can't believe I ever doubted you
My old friend the blues
Another lonely night, a nameless town
If sleep don't take me first, you'll come around
'Cause I know I can always count on you
My old friend the blues

Lovers leave and friends will let you down
But you're the only sure thing that I've found
No matter what I do I'll never lose
My old friend the blues

Just let me hide my weary heart in you
My old friend the blues"

See perfect music to sooth the depths of the soul, and reach into the darkness of my heart and meander through my overactive brain. There were times when I forgot my thoughts and just enjoyed the pleasure of dancing with an old friend. Glad in the moment to know that whatever changes the next few years may bring we'll still be able to head off together and enjoy road trips, summers evenings watching the sunset and chats that descend to the depths and overanalyse this crazy life. The most amusing moment of the evening was watching the small child in front of us have a tantrum and go into one of the best sulks ever. We mused on how painful that feeling is, the agony of wanting attention and a hug, but the pride of refusing to ask for such unconditional love, the only thing you want in a spiky sulk is a hug and someone to tell you they love you and yet that's precisely what you rejected for some reason that isn't quite clear now.

I wanted to say, 'ah do you remember those days, the sulking days, the over dramatics of it all, and isn't it good to be past such days'. But I can't, my sulking days are very much with me, I just know how to hide it better (or like to think I do). Sulking at God is so destructive and yet I carry on, presenting the spiky annoyed little girl to Him knowing that all I really want Him to do is give me a hug and tell me that He loves me, and yet my pride, stubbornness and other hidden dark things stop me. The thing is, the sulks never lasted. When I was a teenager on walks with my family I would sulk for about half the walk, irritated, angry and stubborn, at some point on the walk something would change, it became too tiring to be spiky for so long and I would give in to all I wanted and creep up to Mum or Dad for a hug. I'd say sorry and I'd have a great final bit of the walk (apologies to the parents who were probably totally fed up with me by this point!). It's too tiring to sulk at God, raging at infinity feels like shouting at the Grand Canyon to move. Sooner or later I'm going to have to turn around, say sorry and accept that unconditional love really lives up to it's name.

2 Comments:

Blogger -bb- said...

Im feeling ya...im in sulk mode at the moment...trying not to be. It's a good job God is not only our Saviour and Lord but father, healer and restorer aswell.

7/8/06 3:43 pm  
Blogger Kath said...

Yeah, and a Good Thing that my sulks, childishness and stupidity don't stop Him existing and being full of crazy love for us. Ah, one day it'll all be so clear, one day!

7/8/06 6:29 pm  

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