Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Reflective space

Tonight I am restless. It’s been a week since I sat in a restaurant in Bulgaria looking forward to going home, a week passes quickly in this life. I’m not sure where time has gone, or if anything quality has been achieved in the intervening time. I’ve slept. I’ve seen friends and family. And I’ve felt dislocated and unable to relax completely.

Bulgaria was the usual mix of seeing God work in peoples lives, feeling the frustrations of not being able to open peoples eyes for them, the joy of being able to explain the reality of this life and discovering that I really do believe what I talk about. Team life was refreshing in many ways. To see 10 such diverse people get on with each other and love each other, despite differences, was great. I guess that shows the strength of unity in Jesus. Of truly having the most important thing ever in common.

Rhythms were simple in Bulgaria. There was a routine to the day. We were in one place with the same people for more than a week. There is something deeply profound about that space, rare in a job that takes me around different people and places every different hour of the day. The simple things of life become more engaging. The simplicity of routine and a pace of life that doesn’t rush around brings more space to understand what is going on and more space to pay attention to the one who makes sense of it all.

Out there we had time to chat to people, to think about big questions, to dance to old cheesy songs, who’d have thought Snow’s classic song Informer would reappear in a Bulgarian disco night? It was hard as well, having to keep on loving, having to keep on trusting in a God who, bizarrely, chooses to work through me. Having to not believe the lies that I am rubbish, useless and should not be doing this job.

Mainly the experience reminded me again of a God who is not tied to our English Christian culture. A God who speaks Bulgarian, a God who is at work all over this world bringing people to know Him. A God who is committed to working His purposes out. Good as well to see His work in the team, shaping them for the future, reminding them of His global plans and their part in them. Fascinating to participate in, and see the wonders of a God who schemes and plans things out so well.

And now I am left at home. Attempting to rest in the arms of my Father. Attempting to remember who I am and why I am in this world, and then remember that it isn’t about me anyway. Ah the tensions of this life.


Blogger FloydTheBarber said...

Hey dude,
Totally there with you, restless really sums up how i've been feeling since i got home. I'm missing pretty much every aspect of Bulgaria a lot more than i ever thought i would!

Roll on Forum!

13/8/05 10:18 pm  

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